customer service

Yesterday morning.

Smart hotline customer service representative: Thank you for calling Smart customer care, this is Beyonce, how may I help you?

irresponsible mother

One lazy morning...

Cute preschooler: Mommy let's watch DVD, I want to watch Catwoman.
Mommy: (sprawled on the bed) Ok.
(CP takes DVD from the case and proceeds to switch the player on.)
CP: Mommy it's not on.
Mommy: Daddy forgot to plug it back in last night. (that's right, blame daddy.) Plug it back in.
CP: I don't like, I might get electricity.
Mommy: No you won't, just be careful.
CP: No, I don't like eh. It's dangerous.
Mommy: (Getting annoyed but still sprawled on the bed) No you won't, just be careful.
CP: (Worried) It's dangerous.
Mommy: (Voice gets stern) Sige na! You won't get electricity.
CP: Oh-kay...(hunches over the extension with the plug in one hand, then very carefully pushes...)
CP: Arayyyy!!!

i want to die

i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die.

sappy memorable quotes from a sappy movie based on a sappy book

Alright, I know, I know...people can say Francesca just needed to get laid, and so did Robert, and that there wasn't anything deep and meaningful in the relationship because the only thing they did all those four days was have sex.

But when you reach a certain age, a certain maturity, the sap seriously rubs off on you.

Francesca: And in that moment, everything I knew to be true about myself up until then was gone. I was acting like another woman, yet I was more myself than ever before.

Robert: I dont want to need you, 'cause I can't have you.

Sniff....

which simpson am i?

Saturday night in Malate with my in-laws

Hubby's cellphone rings.

Hubby: Saan tayo kakain?
Father-in-law: Sa Y.U.N. sa may Escolta.
H: Nasa may Escolta na kami. Ano yung Y.U.N.?
FIL: Chinese. Masarap dun.
H: Saan banda?
FIL: Asan na ba kayo?
H: Andito malapit sa may Metrobank.
FIL: Lagpas pa dyan.

Fifteen minutes later...

LG: Asan yung YUN????
Mother-in-law: Asan yung YUN???
Brother-in-law: Asan yung YUN???
H: Ikot uli tayo!!!

Five minutes later...

BIL: Ayun auto ni Papa.
H: Saan?
BIL: Dyan sa harap ng Chinese restaurant.
LG: Anong Chinese restaurant? Y.U.N. ba yan?
H: Ayun nga, WAH YUEN CHINESE RESTAURANT.

dance class

After my usual 30 minutes on the treadmill (running, mind you, not walking) and 15 on the wobbly bike, I figured that my cardio workouts haven't been delivering as well as they used to. For some reason my weight has plateaued, I even gained back 2 pounds from the 5 I thought I had lost two weeks ago. So I decided to take a class.

The only class I was able to join was Latin groove, or at least it sounded like that. I asked the attendant what the class was about. "Dancing-dancing lang po," she replied. Oh, okay, this shouldn't be too hard, I told myself.

As soon as I hit my first few steps, awful memories of high school came flooding back. I was born with two left feet and a body as flexible as a crowbar, and was like that ever since. I had never danced in front of an audience before, save for one shining moment in my freshman year. After that all my dance moves consisted of jerky arm movements and Running Man.

The salsa numbers consisted of flowing arm movements and hip-swaying, shouder-shaking, bootylicious moves. Imagine me swaying my hips and shaking my ass like J. Lo. If I had any more fun I'd have spanked my own butt in class several times.

For the most part, seeing myself dance (mirrors everywhere, the horror!), was funny. I was laughing my way through each song because I was totally out of sync with the steps, and whenever flowing arm movements were called for, I regressed to jerky arm movements. I just couldn't control myself.