Got my mojo back

...but apparently it wasn't enough. Oh well, better than nothing, right?

A female co-worker's been egging me to "gimmick" the past few months. I've always declined, citing, among other things, gym. I know, lame excuse. The truth is, I've been doubting a good fit between myself and the club scene nowadays. I step into a bar and I feel either so old or so pretentious, or both. Or maybe I'm not really into rubbing elbows with the likes of society columnists and their subjects. Whatever.

The first gimmick my co-worker invited me to, I got cold feet. I was already there, as in inside, between the tables, on the ground floor, while she was in the mezzanine. I felt like hyperventilating, and ready to collapse. "This just isn't my thing...I feel so old...This just isn't me." And I stepped out and hailed a cab. My co-worker frantically texted, "Where the hell are you?!?"

To which I sheepishly replied, "Sorry, I just couldn't go through it."

Not much fun there, am I?

The next few weeks, she egged me some more. I realized I was denying myself some fun. It wasn't that the bar scene was a bad fit, more like, I really was too chicken to try to open up and meet new people. And yes, the mojo thing. Did I have enough mojo to flirt with the men at these bars?

Open bar time. A good incentive, really, for me. Even if I went home empty handed, at least I'd have gotten inebriated for free.

Cut to the post-party. I went home 4am, drunk and giddy from Jack Daniels and beer. Yes, BSB peeps, I met quite a number of guys, not one though, asked for my number. Good enough. At least one of them wanted to get laid. Haha. "I'm a lousy lay drunk," I told him.

So there. Opening up to the the swingin' single life. Maybe I'll improve as I go along.

Fly high survey

Snitched from Punzi

(x) eat at Manang’s-- once or twice, the caf was always nearer
(x) learn the Alma Mater - UAAP fanatic here
( ) get on the Dean’s List- asa pa
( ) lie down and sleep on a bench along EDSA walk - Colayco kid here
( ) be a TNT! - ano yon?!
(x) jog around the campus in the evening - yep, that's how I lost weight
(x) visit the art gallery-- twice, the first during Orsem, the second...because I had nothing better to do
( ) know at least one xerox lady, manong, or technician by name - Sorry...
(x) get a Jesuit for a teacher-- Fr. Bu! Fr. Leonard! (May God bless his soul.)
( ) itch from higad bites
(x) have gotten an F in something - yabang ni punzi. Ma 11 under Justan
(x) have taken a crap in school - if you gotta go, you gotta go
(x) watch a La Salle vs. Ateneo UAAP game - every year!
( ) give a PowerPoint presentation-- only them rich kids had ppt!
( ) study in the caf upstairs - wadda...no caf upstairs during my time
(x) watch a T.A. play- Ron Capindig was my crush, that dude in the Jollibee Hongkong commercial. Awesome actor!!!
( ) sit on the SEC ledge and watch the stars
(x) eat in Full House, Martha’s Kitchen, and Ken Afford - not Ken Afford, Kent Afford daw yun. Usually Tita Amy's.
(x) sleep in the lib-- back when Rizal Annex wasn't airconditioned yet. It was nice to sit by the window and listen to the breeze blowing through the trees, and the occasional chirping of the mayas.
( ) visit Mr. San Andres--
(x) go to the chapel- everyday
( ) have gotten a pebble stuck in your shoe/slippers in the middle of the quad-
( ) cut class with your block to watch a movie - after classes nalang
(x) sign up for those institutional (i.e. difficult but brilliant) teachers: Ferriols, Dacanay, David, Manacsa, Ang, Escaler, Arcilla, Totanes, etc.)-- Calasanz lang, after the suicides. I was sick with the flu while I was enrolling...
(x) go to CERSA night - open house
( ) have tried siomai rice - ano yun? panahon ko, beef teriyaki and mashed potato!
( ) learn how to smoke- after I became yuppiescum
(x) fall in love-- unrequited
(x) actually read the book you keep borrowing from the lib-- of course
(x) play cards during your free time-- pusoy dos!
(x) dress in business attire-- Alternative class facilitator! Job fair mock interviews!
(x) learn to stay awake for more than 24 hours straight - of course
( ) have gotten side comments from ASSOC- i was never their type
( ) take (and enjoy) Saturday classes - never
(x) go to your immersion - Gabaldon! Bobby Guev!
(x) eat Food for Thought sandwiches - Galantina or turkey on wholewheat with cucumber and tomato and mustard mayo
(x) get a boyfriend-- charge to experience
(x) take time to read the vandalism on the CR doors-- ehehe, yeah!
( ) watch “Minsan Lang Sila Bata” and “Macho Dancer” for class
(x) do a last minute paper - master procrastinator
( ) have spent a lot for 1x1 ID pictures
( ) get exempted from final exams-- never (what college prof exempts?)
(x) attend a college mass - the only ones i really liked were presided over by Fr. Joe
( ) promise to quit smoking -
( ) play hide-and-seek in the mini-forest -
(x) know where the best restrooms are on campus-- Bellarmine, you can "go in peace"
(x) join an org - LiKaS, president!!!
(x) allow yourself to make mistakes (but make sure you sort them out before you graduate)-- want a philosophical discussion on that one? Kantian?
(x) take summer class-- always, first was for PE 101, second was required, third because I underloaded the previous sem due to an injury
(x) admire the sacred heart statue in the evening - yep
(x) make a video for a project - I was the star. Fell down the stairs, got run over by a trike, etc.
( ) have a crush on a teacher -
( ) attend a Jesuit retreat - nope...ehehehe
( ) have gotten a parking ticket-- always parked properly
(x) come to school in your crappiest yet most comfy clothes - yeah...hell week usually
( ) learn how to use the Bayantel pay phones - PLDT's fonkard ruled during our time!
(x) participate in school activities - always!
( ) catch the Blue Babble Batallion tryouts-- nope
(x) date an Atenean-- date lang
(x) find a tambayan - designated org room at Colayco
(x) ride a tricycle on campus-- like Punzi, walking is always better
(x) admire the Marikina valley at night-- either to reflect or to make out
( ) learn how to beg for a higher grade - as long as i passed, didnt matter
(x) use your cuts wisely -
( ) volunteer to be class beadle -
( ) had the worst lottery schedule for reg - not too bad, really
(x) admire the trees on campus - sat under them a lot
(x) have forgotten your freecut and gone to that class - always!
(x) eat in the ISO canteen-- yep, friendlier people there
(x) be active in your org - president nga eh!
(x) have signed up on an ACP class just because the girl or guy you like signed up for it --facilitated because I wanted my crush to notice me!
(x) get as many app forms as you can during the job fair - got my first job from the job fair!
(x) learn how to cram - doesn't everyone?
(x) sell tickets (or watch) an org-sponsored movie premiere-- Independence Day, aka ID4!
( ) save money to Xerox all of your seatmate’s notes -
( ) have accidentally seen a make-out session -
(x) check out the meron lagoon and lambingan bridge - yep, years after I graduated.
( ) have dozed off in class in Bel right after a class in CTC/SOM/Comm Bldg or vice versa -
( ) learn how to work with groupmates from hell
(x) perfect the art of parking on campus -patience...
( ) had a bad encounter with one of the guards on campus - no way!
(x) develop a love for sisig - dencio's katipunan!
(x) learn how to pronounce “AEGIS” properly - who can't?
(x) have used typing rooms at the library-- yeah!
(x) have reserved a classroom, AVR, etc for a class or org function - yep
( ) have asked the lib for an endorsement to research in other libraries
( ) have lost a perfectly functioning umbrella - never carried an umbrella, would rather get wet
( ) have used consultation hours properly
(x) looked forward to lab breakage refund, in case you didn’t break any equipment-- ilang iced tea din yun
(x) visit the Guidance Office - and cancelled my appointment
(x) visit Admission and Aid-- a few times

will try to be faithful this season

Aaacckkk...Schumi and Massa suck. OK, not too bad, actually. From 14th and 21st, respectively, in qualifying. Massa wouldn't give his teammate his spot.

But Fisichella and Alonso exceeded expectations. 1-2. I'm really more for Alonso, but hey, they're teammates. I didn't know Fisi was HOT. Never saw him without his helmet until a few hours ago, after the race. (What rock have I been hiding under?)

I kinda miss the Ferrari 1-2s of Schumi and Rubens. Really. There was usually some drama involved. (Like, Rubens giving up first place for Schumi, all for points for the team.)

Kimi, meanwhile, ran into suspension failure in the first lap. Montoya was fourth. I still love you, Kimi.

Newcomer Rosberg's (Williams) luck ran out too early, five laps into the race if I remember correctly. Qualified at 3rd.

Pics will be uploaded tomorrow.

Gotta get back to form

This is bad.

I've retreated too much into my shell, I haven't been updated on F1.

There are now new teams and some rigodon. Barrichello's (I love the guy but he's just got balat sa pwet (jinx) wherever he goes) with Red Bull (Austrian team that bought the Jaguar team, quite interestingly Red Bull's engine is Ferrari). Felipe Massa's with Ferrari (still a Brazilian #2) while Kimi Raikkonen's still the dashing glamour boy at #3. New teams Toro Rosso (starring no one you nor I know), and Midland (rehashed Jordan, Toyota engine).

Barrichello's most down-on-his-luck moment (for Cat, anyways): 2003 Brazilian GP, His engine stalling in the 47th of 53 laps, in FIRST place, in HIS HOMETOWN of Sao Paolo.

Barrichello's most down-on-his-luck moment No. 2: The glass trophy he won at the British GP in 2003 was knocked over and shattered at the airport.

Somebody get Mikka back. This clip is my favorite, from 2000. Arguably the best maneuver ever versus Schumi.

Update

I should have blogged about this sooner, but I was too busy begging off dates and other romantic inclinations. (It's raining men...an ego-booster at best, annoying at worst.)

A few of you already know, namely, Punzi (hooray to single parents) and Number Cruncher, that my louse of an ex-husband (LXH from now on) braved the possibility of the wrath of a madwoman and asked that we patch things up. And of the dates he had to choose, our wedding anniversary. (Sixth, technically, because we still are married.)

It was a beautiful Sunday and I chose to spend the whole afternoon in Greenbelt, with my leisurely re-read, Sophie's World, and lots of coffee, al fresco. LP was with her dad, as arranged (but not always followed to the letter, not surprisingly, there are even times when I'd let her stay with him for three days, and he'd negotiate for two, this coming from a father who has my parents' car and who's had considerably less expenses since I kicked him out) and I decided that that day would be a Me Day.

At around 6pm, while hearing mass, I get a text from LP's nanny, that LXH has been asking for me, and what time I'd be home.

Weird...whatever for?

No, I didn't rush home. I took my sweet time praying. When I did get home, LP's nannies didn't waste time telling me that LXH has been calling every few minutes, "Is she home yet? Is she home yet? Text me as soon as she gets in."

I instructed them to turn off their cellphones and put the phone off the hook. "If he comes over, tell him I'm not here."

Lo and behold, a few minutes later, he was at the gate. With three red roses and an apology for "whatever it was that I did."

A lesser woman would've forgiven him.

As an ex, I am...

You Are an Indifferent Ex

You're not one of those girls who thinks about her exes - or even remembers them "Love 'em and Leave 'em" is your motto. And your break ups tend to be a clean break. It's a nice strategy to have, and guys appreciate your total lack of emotional baggage. But just a little reminder: it is okay to remember the good parts of your past, even with exes.

What Kind of Ex Are You?

Senti post

DREAM WITHIN A DREAM
Edgar Allan Poe, 1827

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow --
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand --
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep -- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?.