then and now

There was this guy I was totally in love with in high school. He had eyes that sparkled and a smile that made all the girls swoon. He unwittingly left a trail of broken hearts in his wake, mine included. Boo hoo. He never paid any attention to me. Sob!

Fast forward ten years. I'm twenty pounds lighter, a cup size and a few inches bigger, and more fabulous than anyone could have predicted. (Er, that's not saying much, but anyways...) I may have been a late bloomer, but my sex appeal today more than makes up for whatever x-factor I lacked as a teenager.

I've been in a few scenarios wherein an I'd bump into an ex (or an old crush) and he'd exclaim, "Oh my God! Is that you?!?!? You look great!" and I could tell exactly what his puzzled and bewildered smile meant: that he was such an ass to let me get away. And then the phone calls, text messages and lunch invites would start, to which I'd not reply to or coyly decline.

And so what should I do if I bump into this high school crush of mine? Totally ignore him? Like so many of my old high school crushes who have turned into daddys with beer bellies and fat ugly wives, what are the chances that a fabulous woman like myself will give him a second look in a crowded street?

100%. Because I just found out he's into bodybuilding and has won numerous trophies for his rippling muscles and killer smile.

Kung dati hindi nya ko pinapansin, mas lalo nya ko di papansinin ngayon!!! Boo hoo!!!

parkinson's law

Expenses rise to meet income.

How true.

I started working right after college, for peanuts of course.

Now that I'm a lot better off than I have ever been as a salaried employee, I'm still stuck with the same question every payday: "Where in God's name did my money go???"

So now, I will resolve a number of things:

1. Refrain from having lunch at swanky restaurants.

2. Lunch money shouldn't go over 100 bucks.

3. Believe in the trickle-down effect and see how much you are contributing to the economy: Patronize jollijeep.

4. Buy everything generic. (toilet paper, antibiotics, cough medicine, dishwashing soap, garbage bags)

5. Buy in bulk.

6. Turn off all unnecessary lights and appliances when not in use.

7. Activate the IDD lock.

8. Get an all-consumable plan for my mobile phone.

9. Don't get pregnant yet.

10. Make do with what I already have, such as my parents' good and loving nature.

OK. So will my cost-cutting measures rise above the PPA, soaring oil prices, and forex fluctiations?

Tabo beach bliss

Let's see...hmm...it's July...yep, rainy season.

A friend went to Boracay recently, expecting a myriad of tanned bodies sunbathing in the nude, and parties till dawn. What he saw was a deserted beach and coconut trees swaying quite violently in the wind. The beach babes? More like middle-aged beached whales. Hehe.

Or maybe I'm just envious. I've never been to the place. I am an hour's plane ride away from what the rest of the world knows as paradise, and I've never even felt nor seen a grain of the legendary white sand.

They say that even at high noon in summer's hottest day, the sand is cool, light, much like baby powder. Is that true?

And that no matter how small the island is or how many thousands of tourists there are, you can still find yourself the perfect quiet spot to strip to nothing and live as Adam. Or Eve. Or both. Is that true?

Is it also true that child prostitution is so rampant there? That the magnificent blue water is tainted with E. coli? That if you're Filipino, you won't get the same quality of service from restaurants or hotels than if you were a foreigner? That the corals surrounding the beach are dead from so much human activity?

Somebody take me to Boracay!!!

Mad Max - ten points!!!

On our way back from church yesterday, we ran over a drunk. And we realized that the human spirit will always be stronger than the force of an SUV going 25 kph.

I'm telling you, it was frightening at first. But the ass proved to be more annoying than anything, I'd have run him over in reverse had I known.

It was late afternoon and the sun hadn't even set yet. It was a crowded street (not a pleasant neighborhood, really) and we noticed this man laughing and pointing at people and walking as if his legs were made of jell-o. Then he walked right onto our bullbar.

The sound of the impact was weird. It sounded like BLOG.

Anyway, so there he was, sprawled on the street. Bystanders and tricycle drivers ran to the scene. In the commotion, there was only one common thing they were saying: The guy was drunk, loud, picking fights with everyone, and that it wasn't our fault, good for him.

His companion (almost as drunk, Jesus!) had to be prodded to pick him up and to go with us to the nearest hospital. As we drove hurriedly to the hospital, the guy we drove over came to his senses, and wow, he started talking about love, religion, Ilocanos, etc., etc. Didn't say or ask anything about the blood dripping from his head. And his companion? Just as coherent.

Both guys proved to be a real nuisance in the emergency room. Not a danger, really, just a nuisance, since they behaved, well, drunk. They didn't even want to be examined. The doctor, fed up, advised us to just let them go without the usual medico-legal x-rays and examinations. "They're fine, believe me," the doctor insisted. "Just have them sign an agreement relieving you of further responsibility."

So they did, and we gave them 300 bucks to buy painkillers and to go home.

anniversary

I wasn't supposed to go to work today. I had a mildly bad episode of food poisoning last night, thanks in no small part to all the sashimi I stuffed myself silly with. I was late for a party and that was all that was left. Sashimi. Lots and lots of sashimi. My favorite.

Anyway, so after all the nasty drama in the bathroom, I woke up lightheaded and dehydrated this morning. I texted my boss that I'd be coming in late because a bum stomach. He replied that I should probably just stay home. But hey, I love my job, right? I insisted on coming to work. To which he replied, that's great, let's all go out for lunch and celebrate your first year with us.

So the whole office (all six of us!) trooped to swanky Gloria Maris for Peking duck, courtesy of the FAI's petty cash. A long leisurely lunch in celebration of my stay with the company.

See? That's why I love my job.